I am not sure about you but I am a believer of destiny: that if something is meant to be yours, whatever happens it will make its way to be yours. But having said that, of course, I am not encouraging for anyone to test fate by disregarding and taking things for granted. In fact, I think that if something happened in our life we need to make the most out of it. We just need to look beyond the surface why this person or event happened in our life. 

If things didn’t happen the way we hope it should be, I think we need to trust Universe/God/Karma. 

I’ve heard or read somewhere that life is not meant to be understood. Steve Jobs indicated that the only way for us to understand it is by looking in our life backwards. This is for us to understand how everything connects that led us to our present. 

I realize how true is that. 

For example, you really like this guy and you’ve done your best to keep him yet he still leaves you. You try to understand why it happened when you’ve done everything to make your relationship works. 

You won’t understand it that way. I think the only way you will understand it is by this: you really like this person and you’ve done your best to keep him yet he still leaves you. You pick yourself up, make yourself better, think of what went wrong, then meet someone else new and ended up with that one. Then you look back and realized that you will not meet this great new person if you didn’t end your previous relationship.

I learned that this is a good way to look into our life and make a sense out of it. And by doing this, it makes us look forward for what Universe/Fate/Karma has in for us.

Lastly, it takes the burden from us that we are the reason why things didn’t happen, that we are not enough, that we are lacking, it’s simply because it’s not meant to last.

In line with my entry a few days ago, I am now more than convinced that I really want to move out of the country and go somewhere - where there is a little less chaos. I am honestly, just tired how chaotic life here in Philipines. The government doing its damnest best to undermine the Democracy and my father who is a little too overbearing and emotionally manipulative.

I think giving the first ten years to my family and paying my dues is enough. Life is too precious to live by the rules of people who oppresses me to live my best self and that includes my toxic family. I really just want to give myself some peace that I think is way overdue for myself.

However, while it’s still pandemic and I am still locked up, I might as well continue to save up. Continue to dream, continue to prepare so that my target next few years will be realized. I want, I crave for a place to call my own. My own home.

Feeling: Nostalgic

Currently Listening to: Just Stay - McClenney

This pandemic changed a lot. It's a disruption to a lot of things. Economic activities stagnate. The virus spread all through-out the world. Governments are forced to impose lockdowns to stop the spreading. We find ourselves locked up in our homes - our dreams are put in a halt, while for others, their dreams collapsed as they are impacted by the effects of the shutdown.

I am filled with hope when 2020 came. I am excited about what the year has to offer, but ever since January came, one catastrophe happened after another. Until the uncertainty of February happened, then March when the lockdown took effect. 

I have to reconsider my goals because it's no longer about achieving them but more of surviving and being healthy.

The months have changed the way many lived.

The pandemic and the death that surrounded us made me think about my life in general. Cliche as it may sound but life is truly a fragile one. I cannot take it for granted but I cannot be so careful that I will miss the opportunities that are meant for me. 

I have had a good conversation with a tarot reader last Friday. I've decided to consult her because I've never done such a thing. The things she said about my past and current are 100% right, the future she mentioned is, of course, something I have yet to see. She gave me a few advice according to the cards, she mentioned:

• Take a leap of faith
• Be willing to accept gifts from God