In line with my entry a few days ago, I am now more than convinced that I really want to move out of the country and go somewhere - where there is a little less chaos. I am honestly, just tired how chaotic life here in Philipines. The government doing its damnest best to undermine the Democracy and my father who is a little too overbearing and emotionally manipulative.

I think giving the first ten years to my family and paying my dues is enough. Life is too precious to live by the rules of people who oppresses me to live my best self and that includes my toxic family. I really just want to give myself some peace that I think is way overdue for myself.

However, while it’s still pandemic and I am still locked up, I might as well continue to save up. Continue to dream, continue to prepare so that my target next few years will be realized. I want, I crave for a place to call my own. My own home.

Feeling: Nostalgic

Currently Listening to: Just Stay - McClenney

This pandemic changed a lot. It's a disruption to a lot of things. Economic activities stagnate. The virus spread all through-out the world. Governments are forced to impose lockdowns to stop the spreading. We find ourselves locked up in our homes - our dreams are put in a halt, while for others, their dreams collapsed as they are impacted by the effects of the shutdown.

I am filled with hope when 2020 came. I am excited about what the year has to offer, but ever since January came, one catastrophe happened after another. Until the uncertainty of February happened, then March when the lockdown took effect. 

I have to reconsider my goals because it's no longer about achieving them but more of surviving and being healthy.

The months have changed the way many lived.

The pandemic and the death that surrounded us made me think about my life in general. Cliche as it may sound but life is truly a fragile one. I cannot take it for granted but I cannot be so careful that I will miss the opportunities that are meant for me. 

I have had a good conversation with a tarot reader last Friday. I've decided to consult her because I've never done such a thing. The things she said about my past and current are 100% right, the future she mentioned is, of course, something I have yet to see. She gave me a few advice according to the cards, she mentioned:

• Take a leap of faith
• Be willing to accept gifts from God